Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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