Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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