I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
