Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
