THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
