six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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