I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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