hotel room ftw
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just gift wrapped bread.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
