1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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