just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
