You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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