he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
