I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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