Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
