his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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