He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
