I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
