she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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