i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
