I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
