So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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