someone get that fucking seahorse.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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