Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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