i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
handjob tips. give me some.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
