Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
