He uses pillows to masturbate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
