So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
