Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
