i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
