I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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