I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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