you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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