i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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