I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
