i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
id be glad to
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
