There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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