Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
