I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
