I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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