Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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