she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
