So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
