i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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