There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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