My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
