i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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