ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
