when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize