My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
