just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
