Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
